I'm tired, sad, and want to run away. Jonathan has worked so hard this year in school and just making it...We stay up late at night, going over just what is do the next day...There is no getting ahead....We studied so hard on a four page spanish test that he was told about on Monday and had the major exam today (Wednesday)...When I asked him how he thought he did, all he could say is, that was really hard".....
So, leading up to tonight....He has been down lately and on edge....When you talk to him about grades, the tears come...so, to just survive...we don't talk about it right now....But, to add insult to injury....they had to try out to see who will play in the football game tomorrow night...he was sad this morning when he found out he didn't make it but was somewhat relieved that his best friend didn't make it either...I guess misery loves company...however, they changed the list and posted it for the whole school to see and guess what.......Jonathan's name is no where on that list....his best friends....Is! Now, I have been there done that and survived it....I don't remember it hurting as much as it hurts me to see it happen to my own child....I want to go and beat up the coach and tell him what an idiot he is...which he is not!! A very Godly loving man that is really good to Jonathan...However, why!!! That is my question~~~
oh well, I guess I better go and get ready for the next challenge....Homecoming!!! Why do we have to have homecoming.........
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The Shack
I want to start off by saying, I am not a book critic...I don't promote or discourage anyone on purchasing books....This is just an opinion from someone that was deeply touched by this book........
The Shack...I have not read a book that challenged me quite like this one...It was extremely intense...There were many times I had to walk away from it...The first 18 or so chapters were almost too heavy for me...I don't like to think of those things happening...Yes, they exist...but I don't want my form of entertainment to make me go there!!!
To me, what the book forces you to do is go to your dark places!! The obvious, for me, was the death of my mother....My Mom has been dead for 20+ years...Funny, time has a way of forcing healing...No, it's not "true" healing....it's like a cut that is never cleaned or cared for properly.... it will heal eventually, but not in a healthy way....I saw myself in the main character having to face God and violently expressing how "pissed off" I am even today that He took my mother....She was TOO young!! I was TOO young!!!!! I needed her...There are so many other worthless people in this world..why take one that could have further Your Kingdom!!! I mean after all, that is our mission.. Make sense of that, God~~You see, I am what society would call a late bloomer...It takes me longer than most to "get it"....to find what they want to be in life...(I'm still looking) And in general, just growing up....I still needed my Mother..there was so much I didn't know in life.....She would NEVER see me walk down the isle of a church to get married...as a result I married someone that was more a caretaker of me than a soul mate..it lasted five years.... She would never see my children....they need her to see them play ball....they need to hear her screaming from the bleachers every time they do something good, or when the ump makes a bad call....I don't want to do it alone!!!! I need someone to go to Wal-Mart with me when I don't want to go by my self...If you knew me, you would know, I don't like doing things alone!!!! I need her to hold my hand when I am having medical issues..and boy have I had them....A girl needs her mother....My Mother was the heartbeat of our family....In the book, when this character had to decide which of his children had to be condemned to Hell...That was my breaking point in the book....I think i openly wept for hours.....
As I read on, and was forced to go into my dark places, I realized my Mom's death was not the only "baggage" that I was carrying...I had to stop and take inventory of why I struggle every day to have a "true" relationship with God. This book also helped drive home that God is NOT the dictator I sometimes think He is....The book hit a cord when it addressed that.....God not being as unapproachable as most Christians are sometimes taught He is....And that Jesus is the loving, compassionate One...after all, they are one in the same.....
In a nut shell, again, I'm not promoting this book....I'm just stating my opinion~~~ and my opinion is, if you want to really open up yourself and see areas you might need to address.. read this book...But, also remember, it is fiction...A lot like when the Left Behind series came out...fiction based a lot on actual facts...
I praise God today for His Compassion...I KNOW HE LOVES me....He has given me a wonderful soul mate, Jim....the way it was intended....He has given me two Beautiful boys who play ball....He has given me three wonderful sisters who would go to Wal-mart with me, hold my hand during medical procedures, be there to cheer my boys on at a game, but best of all, be my friend.....Now, I ask you, does it get any better than that......
It does not come as a surprise to me that yesterday after I finished the book, I walked outside to sit in my swing( which I love to do) and the sky was brilliant blue with a few white wispy clouds slowly passing by~~there was a gentle breeze blowing cool air in my face...just enough of a breeze to cause the wind chimes to play....At that moment, I spent time with GOD....I forced light into my dark places.....No, those places aren't gone...not sure they ever will be....Mom's death left a scare so painful that thinking about too much hurts....However, God has wrapped HIS loving hands around me that I can manage to make it now....I thought about my Mother at the water fall.....I could see her beautiful smile....and yes, I could see her picking flowers....and soaking up the sun.....that was my Mother.....I know she is happy today.....I know she wouldn't come back to earth, even for her four girls....that's how magnificent Heaven is....
You really don't have to have gone through a death to have this book touch you.....May you find the peace from God that is offered so freely, but not forced...It's like I tell my wonderful boys every day....The choice is yours.......
The Shack...I have not read a book that challenged me quite like this one...It was extremely intense...There were many times I had to walk away from it...The first 18 or so chapters were almost too heavy for me...I don't like to think of those things happening...Yes, they exist...but I don't want my form of entertainment to make me go there!!!
To me, what the book forces you to do is go to your dark places!! The obvious, for me, was the death of my mother....My Mom has been dead for 20+ years...Funny, time has a way of forcing healing...No, it's not "true" healing....it's like a cut that is never cleaned or cared for properly.... it will heal eventually, but not in a healthy way....I saw myself in the main character having to face God and violently expressing how "pissed off" I am even today that He took my mother....She was TOO young!! I was TOO young!!!!! I needed her...There are so many other worthless people in this world..why take one that could have further Your Kingdom!!! I mean after all, that is our mission.. Make sense of that, God~~You see, I am what society would call a late bloomer...It takes me longer than most to "get it"....to find what they want to be in life...(I'm still looking) And in general, just growing up....I still needed my Mother..there was so much I didn't know in life.....She would NEVER see me walk down the isle of a church to get married...as a result I married someone that was more a caretaker of me than a soul mate..it lasted five years.... She would never see my children....they need her to see them play ball....they need to hear her screaming from the bleachers every time they do something good, or when the ump makes a bad call....I don't want to do it alone!!!! I need someone to go to Wal-Mart with me when I don't want to go by my self...If you knew me, you would know, I don't like doing things alone!!!! I need her to hold my hand when I am having medical issues..and boy have I had them....A girl needs her mother....My Mother was the heartbeat of our family....In the book, when this character had to decide which of his children had to be condemned to Hell...That was my breaking point in the book....I think i openly wept for hours.....
As I read on, and was forced to go into my dark places, I realized my Mom's death was not the only "baggage" that I was carrying...I had to stop and take inventory of why I struggle every day to have a "true" relationship with God. This book also helped drive home that God is NOT the dictator I sometimes think He is....The book hit a cord when it addressed that.....God not being as unapproachable as most Christians are sometimes taught He is....And that Jesus is the loving, compassionate One...after all, they are one in the same.....
In a nut shell, again, I'm not promoting this book....I'm just stating my opinion~~~ and my opinion is, if you want to really open up yourself and see areas you might need to address.. read this book...But, also remember, it is fiction...A lot like when the Left Behind series came out...fiction based a lot on actual facts...
I praise God today for His Compassion...I KNOW HE LOVES me....He has given me a wonderful soul mate, Jim....the way it was intended....He has given me two Beautiful boys who play ball....He has given me three wonderful sisters who would go to Wal-mart with me, hold my hand during medical procedures, be there to cheer my boys on at a game, but best of all, be my friend.....Now, I ask you, does it get any better than that......
It does not come as a surprise to me that yesterday after I finished the book, I walked outside to sit in my swing( which I love to do) and the sky was brilliant blue with a few white wispy clouds slowly passing by~~there was a gentle breeze blowing cool air in my face...just enough of a breeze to cause the wind chimes to play....At that moment, I spent time with GOD....I forced light into my dark places.....No, those places aren't gone...not sure they ever will be....Mom's death left a scare so painful that thinking about too much hurts....However, God has wrapped HIS loving hands around me that I can manage to make it now....I thought about my Mother at the water fall.....I could see her beautiful smile....and yes, I could see her picking flowers....and soaking up the sun.....that was my Mother.....I know she is happy today.....I know she wouldn't come back to earth, even for her four girls....that's how magnificent Heaven is....
You really don't have to have gone through a death to have this book touch you.....May you find the peace from God that is offered so freely, but not forced...It's like I tell my wonderful boys every day....The choice is yours.......
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