CHRISTMAS WITH THE CRAZY COX CLAN
Okay, here is my chance to do my annual Christmas card and brag about my family….
Jim was arrested last week for DWI and since this is his 3rd offense he will spend Christmas in county lock up.
Jonathan got sick and tired of getting up every morning and having to live within the confines of “school rules” so we let him drop out and will be getting a job in three years when he turns 16.
Ryan also dropped out of school and joined a rock band and his touring around with the fly by night fairs…you know the ones that set up on Friday and tear down on Sunday…Not getting paid much is really learning “life skills.”
Just kidding…Jim would NEVER drive under the influence….
Seriously, we have so much to be Thankful for….I have three wonderful boys, two hairy pets (no not Jonathan and Jim) and who ever Jim drags in off the streets with a story….
We FINALLY finished our house after 10 long months!!! I could have had a baby in that length of time…Many days while dealing with most of the criminals that worked in our home, I felt like I was in labor…..Oh, yes, how I miss those guys…the smell of smoke in my house, the yelling from the back room because they screwed something else up, and the many “down on your luck” stories we heard….I find comfort in Smith County Judicial Records where I can look each and everyone of them up, including our contractor…So, Jim and I took hammer and nails into our own hands and finished….
Jonathan is about to turn 13 and was kidnapped….oh…around three weeks ago and was replaced by a stinky GIRL CRAZY texting machine…I say to him quite often, what happened to my Jonathan and when is he coming back? It used to be all about me…now it’s all about texting……..girls….He is in the 7th grade at Brook Hill. He played football again this year. He made the Basketball team…I gotta tell you, I wasn’t real crazy about him trying out, but let him because all his friends were..none of them thought they would make it, including Joanthan..he has never played Basketball….He made the team….are you kidding me?!? He has to be at practice every morning at 7:30 am and…we live 30 minutes away!!! NOOOOOO. He made National Junior Honor Society this year. I don’t say that lightly. He worked very hard for that…..If you know Jonathan at all, you know at what costs that honor came….All in all he is GREAT, stinky, but great!! Jonathan has adopted a new word from his Spanish dictionary…Zapata…The problem is…he says it ALL THE TIME….when he is in trouble…”Zapata”. When you call his name, he says, “Zapata” Which means “shoe” in Spanish…Only in the life of a 7th grader….
Ryan….Oh my, what can I say about Ryan…oh sorry, SEXY Ryan….That is his name now. He is ALL about style…His hair has to be done just right…with lots and lots of product, and no longer do athelic shorts and T-shirt work…Oh no, that is for nerds..Yes, we are all nerds to him…..(such a 7th grade word).
He made All-Stars in baseball this summer…totally against his brothers wishes…We were not well received from the parents on Ryan’s team, because he screamed at the top of his lungs every time the OTHER team scored….As much as he was ready for it to end, Ryan’s team made it to the State Play-offs and WON!!! Oh Jonathan was happier than Ryan….When asked why, he said, NO MORE WATCHING HIM PLAY BALL…as if Ryan has NEVER watched you play football, baseball, basketball….etc…
Ryan will be graduating this year…from Elementary School…He will then be at Brook Hill with his older brother…Oh my, Not sure I am ready for that….
Jim is working so very much…and has gone back to school at night….7th grade at Brook Hill…..Yes, he is Jonathan’s teacher at night with the tons and tons of homework he has…Thank the Lord Jim was a math major with minor in Chemistry…Makes my job a lot easier…The saying are you smarter than a 5th grader….umm, no I’m not….Makes me wish I really would have listened to my parents when they told me in school, trust me, you will wish you studied harder!! What did they know….They were nerds…..
As for me….After 38 years, I am working. Jim made my dream come true and officially made me, a housewife of Smith County. Just kidding, I am flipping a house….It is a lot of fun. I love to watch the changes…We should have it ready to sell by Spring….
All in all we are truly blessed with a wonderful family, and great friends…If you are reading this, you are in this category, or you owe us money and we need it or you will be the next face on Judical Records!!!
Hope you all have a Blessed Christmas and remember Jesus is truly the reason for the season..especially when you don’t like the gift I got you…
See you all next year for the continuation of the Crazy Cox Clan Story…
We love you all very much,
Jim, Nessa, Jonathan, Ryan, Buddy, Kishka, and the homeless guy that lost his shopping cart last week in a drive by
ZAPATA!!!!

Christmas Shows

Well, to keep with tradition, I got the Christmas trees down along with the 3,000 boxes of decoration to go around the house and was ready to turn on the Christmas music and decorate with my boys eager to help..not....only I woke up and found myself all alone with the sound of a loud football game on T.V. okay, no Christmas music today...So, I thought I would go get my C.D.'s and put them on my Ipod..only, I packed the music away in the attic...WOW, I am not off to a good start....My trees didn't disappoint...as usual, half of the tree lights didn't work...Luckly, on our way home from Florida last year I bought several boxes of lights for 75% off....Put the tree up, fixed the lights, put the bizillion decorations on the tree to the tune of "first down".....I stood back and noticed my tree leans...A LOT!!! Now, to fix this, I would have to take the breakable decorations off...Orrr, just leave it...I love leaning....Makes people think something isn't right...But won't dare say anything...well, unless you are my sisters....

I worked all day and decided to watch a Christmas show....I just love these shows...It doesn't matter how bad everything is in the character's lives, around Christmas time everything works out...Tonight I decided to watch "Christmas Shoes" because Jim's son and whole family is in the musical in Lubbock and we are going...Now, why in the world would I ever even start this movie...I know how this ends...I even lived that show...But I guess I'm a little like the person that would drive up on an accident and someone says, "Don't Look" (and,of course, I do) soooo....I sat there and cried harder than I have in a long time....my boys and Jim cried...

The one thing that stuck out in that show was at the end where the son is at his Mother's grave and he is all grown up....All I could think is how was he changed the day his Mother died...because you are (and rarely, for the good)....I know my life would have been so different if Mother were still here with me....Mainly, I wouldn't have a leaning Christmas Tree..she would have helped me take everything off and fixed it...she was like that....I miss her so much....

I think this time of the year is and always will be so very hard. Because when you watch movies you know can't happen....a little part of you wishes that could happen to you....I guess that is why I liked Christmas Shoes so much....It didn't end up being a dream where everyone is happy and together...It deals with death...Real life situations....

My hope this Christmas season is that my boys and Jim and I really can slow down long enough to enjoy each other....not be so busy stressing over that one gift that will so be forgotten.....Because all too soon, our lives will be over and we will have to say goodbye....But will have many memories to help us smile through the hardest parts of missing each other....

May you have a Blessed Christmas and Happy Leaning Tree......

Bittersweet

Recently my seventh grader had to do an art project on the word "Bittersweet". We were trying to define this word to a boy who hasn't had a lot of life experiences to completely understand the definition. He finally decided to draw a picture of himself receiving a scholarship to his rival college....

It wasn't until the next day while I was sitting at lunch with ALL three of my sisters (that hasn't happened in a long, long time). And it hit me...Bittersweet. I LOVE when my older sister, Karen comes in to visit...Her visits are ALWAYS too short and I'm always looking back wondering where the time went. At the restaurant, I wasn't looking any where but right where I was at the moment....With my sisters! I didn't mind that my wonderful husband was killing himself to get all his work done, get to Tyler on time to pick both boys up about the same time at different locations....I knew the moment I was in was just about close to perfect. We laughed a lot, ate a lot , and just caught up with each other....The Bittersweet moment, was today when I had to say goodbye. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.....It NEVER gets any easier!!! She just lives too far from me....

I realized while Karen was here that I not only love having my sister around, I need her... I need someone to go places with on a moments notice, just to laugh or cry. She knows all about my life and listens no matter what is going on in hers...

Bittersweet....is defined today....Having a truly wonderful time with my sister then turning around and telling her goodbye and watch her travel back to her life over a thousand miles away.....I had a wonderful time...which was sweet.....but my heart hurts really bad....and that is my bitter.....

Thankfully God has blessed me with a wonderful family that I truly enjoy being around and hurt when they go away.....Wow, now that's Sweet.......

full moon mid-afternoon!!

So, this has been a fun filled weekend...started off Saturday Morning when I was bribed to take Jonathan to Academy if he would go to Ryan's baseball game (double header) He just HATES sitting there that long...We watched the games, loaded in the car and went to Academy to get a silky shirt that clings to your skin and makes you look skinney and put this logo on it and call it underarmor and charge $25.!! Now, that's just stupid!! One hour later with underamour in hand, along with arm bands...yes, you heard me right not the kind you wear on your wrist to really wipe the sweat off your brow...no, these are half the size and you pull them up to your triceps...what does that do...okay for a buff person...makes his muscles pop out to a 12 and 11 year old...falls down...but no, that are the rage...oh, and did I say they too were underarmor!!

We headed home to have our A&M party. With nachos, hotdogs, and junk food!! (Dad's out of town)...A&M got slaughtered, but a fun time was had by all three...We pulled the matress in the living room and had a slumber party...they slept on the matress...I slept...no, let me refrase that..I tried to sleep on the couch for which my feet were on the arm rest and lost blood three of four times.....

This morning we jumped on the trampoline...the boys have a game called freezer...one throwning the ball and the rest of you on the tramp jumping around trying not to get hit by the ball...well, guess who kept getting hit...yes, me!!! I should have had on an underarmor....not too sure it would have made me look skinner....however, those armbands.....no those wouldn't have worked either...I tried them on and noticed a few short minutes later my hands were turning blue....My arms are SOOO buff those were just not big enough (ha ha)...So, I am running after the ball to throw it and try to earn my place on the tramp...when I saw my boys with their bare butts shining in the broad day light....I got so tickled I couldn't do anything....I hadn't seen those things since they were all cute and little...My target was set and I was ready to aim.....

Child's Emotions

I'm tired, sad, and want to run away. Jonathan has worked so hard this year in school and just making it...We stay up late at night, going over just what is do the next day...There is no getting ahead....We studied so hard on a four page spanish test that he was told about on Monday and had the major exam today (Wednesday)...When I asked him how he thought he did, all he could say is, that was really hard".....
So, leading up to tonight....He has been down lately and on edge....When you talk to him about grades, the tears come...so, to just survive...we don't talk about it right now....But, to add insult to injury....they had to try out to see who will play in the football game tomorrow night...he was sad this morning when he found out he didn't make it but was somewhat relieved that his best friend didn't make it either...I guess misery loves company...however, they changed the list and posted it for the whole school to see and guess what.......Jonathan's name is no where on that list....his best friends....Is! Now, I have been there done that and survived it....I don't remember it hurting as much as it hurts me to see it happen to my own child....I want to go and beat up the coach and tell him what an idiot he is...which he is not!! A very Godly loving man that is really good to Jonathan...However, why!!! That is my question~~~

oh well, I guess I better go and get ready for the next challenge....Homecoming!!! Why do we have to have homecoming.........

The Shack

I want to start off by saying, I am not a book critic...I don't promote or discourage anyone on purchasing books....This is just an opinion from someone that was deeply touched by this book........

The Shack...I have not read a book that challenged me quite like this one...It was extremely intense...There were many times I had to walk away from it...The first 18 or so chapters were almost too heavy for me...I don't like to think of those things happening...Yes, they exist...but I don't want my form of entertainment to make me go there!!!
To me, what the book forces you to do is go to your dark places!! The obvious, for me, was the death of my mother....My Mom has been dead for 20+ years...Funny, time has a way of forcing healing...No, it's not "true" healing....it's like a cut that is never cleaned or cared for properly.... it will heal eventually, but not in a healthy way....I saw myself in the main character having to face God and violently expressing how "pissed off" I am even today that He took my mother....She was TOO young!! I was TOO young!!!!! I needed her...There are so many other worthless people in this world..why take one that could have further Your Kingdom!!! I mean after all, that is our mission.. Make sense of that, God~~You see, I am what society would call a late bloomer...It takes me longer than most to "get it"....to find what they want to be in life...(I'm still looking) And in general, just growing up....I still needed my Mother..there was so much I didn't know in life.....She would NEVER see me walk down the isle of a church to get married...as a result I married someone that was more a caretaker of me than a soul mate..it lasted five years.... She would never see my children....they need her to see them play ball....they need to hear her screaming from the bleachers every time they do something good, or when the ump makes a bad call....I don't want to do it alone!!!! I need someone to go to Wal-Mart with me when I don't want to go by my self...If you knew me, you would know, I don't like doing things alone!!!! I need her to hold my hand when I am having medical issues..and boy have I had them....A girl needs her mother....My Mother was the heartbeat of our family....In the book, when this character had to decide which of his children had to be condemned to Hell...That was my breaking point in the book....I think i openly wept for hours.....
As I read on, and was forced to go into my dark places, I realized my Mom's death was not the only "baggage" that I was carrying...I had to stop and take inventory of why I struggle every day to have a "true" relationship with God. This book also helped drive home that God is NOT the dictator I sometimes think He is....The book hit a cord when it addressed that.....God not being as unapproachable as most Christians are sometimes taught He is....And that Jesus is the loving, compassionate One...after all, they are one in the same.....
In a nut shell, again, I'm not promoting this book....I'm just stating my opinion~~~ and my opinion is, if you want to really open up yourself and see areas you might need to address.. read this book...But, also remember, it is fiction...A lot like when the Left Behind series came out...fiction based a lot on actual facts...
I praise God today for His Compassion...I KNOW HE LOVES me....He has given me a wonderful soul mate, Jim....the way it was intended....He has given me two Beautiful boys who play ball....He has given me three wonderful sisters who would go to Wal-mart with me, hold my hand during medical procedures, be there to cheer my boys on at a game, but best of all, be my friend.....Now, I ask you, does it get any better than that......
It does not come as a surprise to me that yesterday after I finished the book, I walked outside to sit in my swing( which I love to do) and the sky was brilliant blue with a few white wispy clouds slowly passing by~~there was a gentle breeze blowing cool air in my face...just enough of a breeze to cause the wind chimes to play....At that moment, I spent time with GOD....I forced light into my dark places.....No, those places aren't gone...not sure they ever will be....Mom's death left a scare so painful that thinking about too much hurts....However, God has wrapped HIS loving hands around me that I can manage to make it now....I thought about my Mother at the water fall.....I could see her beautiful smile....and yes, I could see her picking flowers....and soaking up the sun.....that was my Mother.....I know she is happy today.....I know she wouldn't come back to earth, even for her four girls....that's how magnificent Heaven is....
You really don't have to have gone through a death to have this book touch you.....May you find the peace from God that is offered so freely, but not forced...It's like I tell my wonderful boys every day....The choice is yours.......

Summer's Past

Time for School....A time for us to wake up before the birds, eat breakfast in the car, scream a thousand times for the boys to brush their teeth.......How many days until summer??? Our late night watching the Olympics is replace with late night homework....Football, baseball, drama at school, football games, homecoming, TAKS, A.R.!!!!! OH MY
Sadly, the boys flip flops are being replaced with school shoes WITH SOCKS!!! Means more washing....beach towels replaced with back packs....shirts and gym shorts replaced with uniforms neatly tucked in ......sorta....
Now I have to ask, how do single working Mom's do it all? They are my hero's!!! I make a promise to myself every year around August to be more organized....The Walton's, Brady Bunch, My Three Son's, Leave it to Beaver....they did us NO favors!!! How is it that Momma Walton got up and had a three course breakfast for ALL three thousand of her children BEFORE school!!! I really attempt to be like that....Like June Cleaver, on Leave it to Beaver....Have you ever seen her dinner's??? Makes me hungry every time I watch them....So, what do I do, I put on my pearls and go to the freezer and realize it takes longer than 30 minutes to cook a meal that is FROZEN!!! So, I get out the frozen dinners and pop them the microwave and put them on our plates and fill the glasses with water and we all sit down to a wonderful burnt on the outside, frozen on the inside T.V. dinner...Only to have my boys laugh at me and ask why I'm wearing pearls with shorts and a tee shirt!!!
I have gone so far as to join Fly Lady!! It's a wonderful website for woman that need help organizing everything in their life.....I don't need help, I NEED someone to do it for me....I had to quit when I felt so much guilt from not being able to do the house work from ALL the emails you get from them.....I really buy into what they say about having a clean sink every night before you go to bed....so, I move all the dirty dishes over to the counter next to the sink....Might even get lucky and one of the dogs will lick the remaining dinner stuck on the dishes....less to do for me......
Gotta go, I think I need to join fly lady again and see what she wants me to do today....I'll bet I was supposed to already have made my bed...Oh, well, there's always tomorrow, besides I gotta sleep in it tonight.... one less thing on my list.....I think I'll go watch Mission Organization.....see what they have to offer me.....it's like watching an exercise video....you wish you were doing it....but not bad enough to actually do it......
Happy school year everyone....may your days be filled with papers, homework, schedules, sleepy heads, stress, and so on......so that you can fill the ever present "I'm about to blow" scenario I experience every day of the school career!!!!

Summer Expectation

An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.

I'm sitting here at my computer at midnight wondering where my summer went. I had so many plans......so many expectations..... I look outside and see three bikes shinning in the moon light, and it stings. I expected all three of us to ride every day....just like we did last summer....we would ride in the morning, after breakfast, and every evening when it cooled down....We didn't ride at all this summer....I got the bikes out but never rode them...now they sit...

I look at the pool we had so much fun putting sand under neath...Jim making sure it was competely level....going over it with a 2x4...adding sand where it needed it and taking away where it was too much....I see the make shift net Ryan put together where we all could play water volleyball...the pool is full of leaves, the net is dangling and the water is slowly draining out...I will have all the water out soon and fold it up to put away.... forever....It became real obvious this summer that my oldest son, Jonathan, grew up at school this past year...things he loved to do with his younger brother seem too immature for him today.....I looked out a lot and saw Ryan swimming by himself...Jonathan said he got bored with it.....

Every year at the end of the school year we make out a "to do list for the summer." I'm looking at that list sitting on the table with one or two check marks on it....Expectation....I expected to do more.....It's like if I don't have a minute by minute itenary for my kids, I feel as though I let them down....Like summer camp all summer long....I set my standards so high that there is no way to reach them......

The bitter sweet to this summer is knowing my boys are growing up....just like the "season" of summer is over and I can see physically the painful reminders of it...all too well the "season" of my boys childhood is coming to a close....They are growing up...no longer wanting to play forts, swim in a blowup pool, stay outside all day and come in with dirt all over them with red faces from the heat...

Jonathan starts back to school tomorrow...Already my heart hurts.....I know he is in the next room doing the very thing I told him to try NOT to do and that is to stay awake thinking about tomorrow....and here I sit at my computer....thinking about tomorrow.....how much I don't want him to get hurt, fail a test, not have friends, not have a homecoming date, not get to play football, or not understand an assignment......I know some of these things will happen......I expect it to happen, however, I also KNOW a lot of surprises will come our way......

I better go to bed and try to get some sleep before tomorrow morning......One thing is for certain....Jonathan is very much loved by his Mom and his Dad.....well, and his brother......Ryan. He is the one that will be hard to deal with tomorrow....he will REALLY miss Jonathan when he is at school......I guess the sooner we start back to school.....the sooner we get out.......

The Application

well, today, we did it....Jim and I filled out the 5 bizillion pages of a loan application to purchase a house to flip....I am so very excited...I just want to get to the "staging" part of the house!! Where I get to work my magic and make it shine!!! However, lots of work to do before then.....painting, caulking, tape/float, texture, oh my.....too much....cabinets, plants......I'm needing a nap just thinking about this....
I have wanted this for the longest time ever....I have had my hopes up for this and let down so many times, I'm afraid to even think about it.....But, to not think about it is impossible!!!
When Jim left to take the papers to the bank, the boys and I gathered around in a "prayer" circle and prayed for God's will to be done...because without it...don't want it......After I was praying, Jonathan looked at me and said, you're getting a job???? He thinks Mom is going to make lots of money...sorry, son...no Wii yet!! Gotta sell it first.....well, got to get it first...then fix up and then sell, then maybe a Wii......
We are supposed to find out tomorrow.....WHAT??? Can't you take the papers and look over then now!! Don't you understand this is a longtime dream of mine??? How dare you wait until tomorrow......
I'll update the results tomorrow.......until then....anticipation!!!!!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.....I just posted this wonderful blog about my son and I saw the date....MY ANNIVERSARY!!!! And I"M A WOMAN!!!! This day....let's see was it 17 years ago or 18??? Does it really matter...once you've attempted to eat that freezer burn yellow frosting (used to be white) icing, isn't it okay to celebrate anytime????

James Cox, my forever friend.....I have never in my life seen two people perfectly matched.....God knew we needed each other. I have never in my life loved someone as much as I do Jim. He still makes me laugh so much....I love going on dates with him just to sit and talk W/O boys!!! Not to mention he is STILL the sexiest man alive.....

He truly brings out the best in me...and trust me....one hysterectomy and several failed attempts at proper hormones later.....that ain't easy.....He is my biggest cheerleader....If I had 1/4 the confidence he had in me, you wouldn't be able to stop me....

I can not imagine my life anywhere else than right here right now going to the "drive-in" tonight with the kids...Jim's idea....we're going to see a double feature......If the mosquitoes don't take us first...

You might be asking yourself, why don't they celebrate just the two of them....well, we do....The first thing we do is thank God every morning for each other. Second, live our lives as if we just got married...that is the only way for a marriage to survive....You HAVE to see the POSITIVE in them.....and dwell on those....Trust me, there are negatives.....let's see....wait....this is a positive note....
Bottom line, I love him.....He loves me....end of question..

Thank you Mr. Jim Cox for letting me proudly carry your name and have two out of the four of your precious children... I am truly blessed.....
Love will be our home!!!!

My Knight and Shinning Boy

Let me start out by saying, other than God and my wonderful husband, I love my two boys more than anything. And, I love them equally. With that said, Ryan, my youngest, is just about to turn 11. He is cool, well liked by his peer with a great sense of humor...He reminds me a lot of Randy on Tool Time.....Lately, Mom is the brunt of most of his jokes....I am probably an easy target.....
Friday, Ryan and I were at Target in Longview waiting on Jonathan to get finished with a lesson. We were just basically killing time. Secretly, I think he loves to shop. He is good about helping me pick out the right shirt, if I just show him two and move on to his stuff.....So, at Target I started not feeling very well, so I went to the bathroom and starting blacking out. I couldn't see anything. I felt like I was going to faint or throw up. So, I managed to pull myself together and walk out of the bathroom and wishpered to Ryan that I was getting sick and we had to go. He looked up at me and said, Mom, put your hand on my shoulder and I will help you to the car." Immeditely, my mind went back to when he was a baby and ANYTIME he saw me, he ran towards me. I have many video's where I have had to not let him see me so that I could get some footage without holding him. He loves his Mom very much. It's just that recently showing your Mom how much you love her isn't so cool. But not today. I proudly put my hand on his shoulder and we walked together. I kept saying I was sorry for all this and he would just say, "why do you keep saying you are sorry, it's not your fault."
I know all too soon, as it is supposed to be, Ryan will give his heart to another woman. I also KNOW that he will offer his shoulder for her to lean on....I will hunt her down and kill her.....oh, sorry, got a tad bit emotional for a second......No, I will love her as long as she loves my son.....
But NOTHING, not even a girl, will ever take the memory of yesterday.
Oh how I love my Ryan-O boy!!!!

Changes

tonight, I am sitting at my computer writing this blog with a heart that hurts VERY much!! Jonathan and I packed our bags and drove to College Station to help Kyle move into his new apartment this weekend. I felt a tugging at my heart all day Saturday knowing Kyle was packing up basically, his life and moving to a new place. He has been at that home since the day he was born. Now memories of 21 years of his life pack up, boxed up, and loaded up in a U-Haul trailer. The one thing he couldn't pack up was his dog of 16+ years, who, I might add, sleeps with Kyle every night. Kyle is the one that gets up during the middle of the night and takes him out. According to Vickie, he picked Rowdy up and carried him around the house until he left.
We had a busy day unpacking his life and setting up house for him. A lot of laughter, and just hanging out.....Then, today, we had to say goodbye. I drove out of the parking lot and cried for a while....I am sad knowing Kyle won't be at home every night. I didn't see him a lot at home, but there is comfort in knowing everyone is where they need to be when it's bed time. Now, his home is somewhere else. Nothing could prepare me for what would happen tonight after I got home.

I had a missed call from Vickie. Now, I knew she was calling to tell me they had told Kyle bye. However, I didn't think I would hear the utter brokenness in her voice.... I knew that her heart was completely ripped out tonight and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do the help ease the pain. So, we cried together. I called Kyle to check on him and heard him tell me how he had set up his new house. I wanted to get into my car and go get him right then!! But then I knew, tomorrow would come and he would have to go back.

See, it all comes down to change. I hate it. Don't do it, don't want to do it. That is why my stomach starts hurting the first time I see a "Back to School" commercial, boarding my dogs for a week, someone moving, it all has to do with " changes"..... I like things to stay the same. Yes, I might get bored, however, my heart would not hurt as much!!!

I know Kyle is going to do great!! He is where Kyle Shipp needs to be tonight...He has wanted to go to A&M since he was a little boy. Now, he is there. From this moment on, we have to learn to let go and let him fly....But my part is to be there to just comfort Vickie and Howard as they release him.........If I had it my way, we would all live on the land together...no one could leave, and they would have to marry women and men that would be opened to stay with us forever....no one leaves....EVER......How's that for healthy issues!!!........ Tonight, I think I'll go sit with my boys a while and just hold them...Because in the near future, I too will be driving home with my heart broken because I just had to release one of my own......Unless I can convince them both to go to our local college!!!!

Recliner

Today, Jim took my green recliner to Kyle. He is taking it to college with him. I was sad to see it go. No, not the recliner. I am not into material things. It was the memory of the green recliner. The reminder of just how much of my life is gone. Jim bought that chair for me when Jonathan was born. I have sat many nights in that chair feeding both boys and rocking them back to sleep. Thinking to myself will they ever grow up. Now, I am moving the chair out, 13 years later, and thinking, where did all the time go?

When you stop to think about it, the chair has a life of it's on. What memories will Kyle have with it? I do know this, he will get rid of it one day and when he does, he will stop and reflect on all the times he had in college with the green recliner.....