What I want to be when I grow up

It's May and my youngest is about to graduate from Elementary School....WOW, how time has just flowen... Which means he has been in school for 6 years, and I still haven't gone back to work...Today I was having lunch with some girl friends and we started talking about what we wanted to do in life that would be rewarding. That is a hard question, I thought.....I LOVE children but the thought of being in a classroom every single day makes my stomach hurt....I know, I did it and hated it....but, love the kids....so, to reason this out would be to work backwards....What can you do that involves children but not teach?....million dollar question. I really want to go back to work. The thought of being in the "grown" up world is really exciting. I need that sense of worth. But, I don't want to teach.
One of my friends was suggesting something that really interested me..so, I am going to do research and see what happens...but, the hard thing will be to sell my husband...he wants income NOW....this won't bring income immediately...
Another suggestion was to do some writing....I gotta tell you, I sell myself real short...I don't think I'm as good as people have said...To me, they are just being nice....Anyone call write as long as they have the material....
I truly feel like I am in a foreign country trying to find my place in the world.....I have had 6 years to find something and either couldn't or wouldn't.....
I guess the thing I most afraid of is two fold....1. I watched my Mom work at a job that paid bills, not necessarily what she was passionate about, but okay...she was able to save money because one day she and my Dad would retire and travel. She never got to leave Longview because she died at the early age of 50. One her death bed would she have said, I loved my job most of all...No, I don't think so.... and 2. If I go to work full time, I will miss some things for my boys. That will absolutely kill me.....I know one thing for certain...I love every minute I have with my boys....I don't want to miss a thing....Am I living in fear that one day I could die and not have them anymore...
I better find something fast, I am running out of time....Where did my little boy go? Why did he grow up so fast? What am I gonna do when I grow up??? Time is now to find the answer to that question.......Like it or not, this chapter is about to be over...Time to turn the page.......