Summer Expectation

An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.

I'm sitting here at my computer at midnight wondering where my summer went. I had so many plans......so many expectations..... I look outside and see three bikes shinning in the moon light, and it stings. I expected all three of us to ride every day....just like we did last summer....we would ride in the morning, after breakfast, and every evening when it cooled down....We didn't ride at all this summer....I got the bikes out but never rode them...now they sit...

I look at the pool we had so much fun putting sand under neath...Jim making sure it was competely level....going over it with a 2x4...adding sand where it needed it and taking away where it was too much....I see the make shift net Ryan put together where we all could play water volleyball...the pool is full of leaves, the net is dangling and the water is slowly draining out...I will have all the water out soon and fold it up to put away.... forever....It became real obvious this summer that my oldest son, Jonathan, grew up at school this past year...things he loved to do with his younger brother seem too immature for him today.....I looked out a lot and saw Ryan swimming by himself...Jonathan said he got bored with it.....

Every year at the end of the school year we make out a "to do list for the summer." I'm looking at that list sitting on the table with one or two check marks on it....Expectation....I expected to do more.....It's like if I don't have a minute by minute itenary for my kids, I feel as though I let them down....Like summer camp all summer long....I set my standards so high that there is no way to reach them......

The bitter sweet to this summer is knowing my boys are growing up....just like the "season" of summer is over and I can see physically the painful reminders of it...all too well the "season" of my boys childhood is coming to a close....They are growing up...no longer wanting to play forts, swim in a blowup pool, stay outside all day and come in with dirt all over them with red faces from the heat...

Jonathan starts back to school tomorrow...Already my heart hurts.....I know he is in the next room doing the very thing I told him to try NOT to do and that is to stay awake thinking about tomorrow....and here I sit at my computer....thinking about tomorrow.....how much I don't want him to get hurt, fail a test, not have friends, not have a homecoming date, not get to play football, or not understand an assignment......I know some of these things will happen......I expect it to happen, however, I also KNOW a lot of surprises will come our way......

I better go to bed and try to get some sleep before tomorrow morning......One thing is for certain....Jonathan is very much loved by his Mom and his Dad.....well, and his brother......Ryan. He is the one that will be hard to deal with tomorrow....he will REALLY miss Jonathan when he is at school......I guess the sooner we start back to school.....the sooner we get out.......