Chapter Closing

I am the world's worst at planning something far in advanced and then wanting to back out when the time comes to actually do it...Case in point is traveling....I HATE to leave home....I LOVE seeing my sister and her family, but it's the boarding the dogs, driving in the car, flying in a plane, working through the unknown.  I guess I'm just a "homebody"....

For two years now, I've watched my son go from this happy go lucky person to a very unhappy person.  Due mostly to his environment.  Slowly things have been chipping away at his comedial demeanor....I have said to him daily, "this does NOT define you..."  Only, I was wrong.  I believe if you stay in an unhealthy situation for too long, it becomes you...thus defining you. 

He requested to remove himself from the school he has known since 6th grade.  The only other school he attended was elementary and that was the same one from K-5th.  Our family doesn't handle change very well.  For him to want to make this change, something must really be wrong.  So, we allowed him to "shadow" another school.  He loved it. He feels as though this school is a better "fit" for him.  So, now we are in the process of closing this chapter and turning the page.  Oh if it were just that simple.  It comes with a lot of sadness.  I really grew to love a lot of the parents and students there.  But, on the flip side of that, I've grown to really harbor some hatred towards those that repeatedly "beat" (figuratively) down my son.  So, much to the point I too was unhappy.  One thing I am sure of, is when you are in an unhealthy situation, you MUST remove yourself from it or it will eat at you until there is nothing left.

My two boys will not be together at school.  That could be both a good thing and a bad.  As of late, it is a bad thing.  If ever I needed God to come to me, sit with me, and tell me I AM doing the right thing, it is now.  My heart is heavy, my eyes are full, and my attitude is bad.  I am in desperate need of a change.  The "what ifs" are surfacing everywhere....what if he gets over there and it's worse....Unfortunately, I am the queen of "what ifs".......

So, the school year is closing.  All that is left is finals...Then we walk out the door of a beautiful campus, leaving behind some wonderful teachers and staff, great friends, awesome opportunities, and some good memories.  Letting go of the hurt and resentment of those that hurt my son, and letting God heal me and my son. Finally allowing God to "define" who my son is, not the situation......