All I want to be is an All-Star

Today the boys and I were in the car on our way to the usual Walmart, bank, snowcone stand run....whatever our stomachs craved at the moment...We were laughing and talking and I looked at Ryan and said, "tell Jonathan who called last night..." Thinking I knew what his reaction would be...He would look at me and say in his 13 year old changing voice...NOOOOOO!! Not another summer going to baseball games with his BIG grin.....
Ryan didn't remember who called so I told him the name of the person that called and immediately I looked back at Jonathan waiting for the anticipated reaction......what I got broke my heart in a million pieces....Immediately tears starting streaming down his face.....I looked at him and he looked back at me and said, "I'm not jealous... it's just I have always wanted to make All-Stars and thought I did" I knew that he wasn't jealous....I knew exactly what Jonathan was feeling....Three years ago he really thought he was going to make All-Stars...We even had a coach tell us he was almost certain it would happen because of how hard Jonathan played. He waited and waited and never got that call.....He knew when it was time for teams to practice and he hadn't gotten that call, that his last chance had come and the answer was again, no.....As I am learning in my "girl" world, every boy wants to say he was in All-Stars....No one, in my opinion deserves it more than Jonathan Cox!! All these feelings came back to him and he couldn't control the hurt .....not the happiness for Ryan....because he is really proud of Ryan's talent and tells him often...So, when he tells me he isn't jealous...I really believe him....

I have always loved the fact that I had two boys and that they were only 21 months apart...They are truly like best friends... However, today, it is very difficult...Jonathan knows all to well about living in the shadow of his brother....Oh, yes, as a mother, I bring out differences that really make Jonathan shine...One day, he will know...but today....his day is very cloudy...his brother's glory is completely shading Jonathan's life....But tomorrow, he will be back to his great, funny, loving, tenderhearted way that makes my boy~ my hero......Once again, we find we are having to jump a hurdle....I wish you could see him jump......One thing about Jonathan, I KNOW he will give it his all......

I am trying to learn how to deal with the politics that come with playing sports...And trust me, the more you are involved, the more you find out.....I am ashamed at some things that I hear come from this little league.....which just confirms why Jonathan didn't make it....He didn't know how to work the system.....I look at the boys that play the game...No, not baseball, but the politics game, and would take Jonathan over any of these boys...They will never know college baseball because their Dad won't be able to pull strings for them.....If I sound bitter, I am.....Just like Jonathan I know all too well how that feels....and tomorrow I will be okay..But today, I am looking at my big boy upset because a dream he really always wanted has come back around and knocked him down.....The harder you fall, the stronger you are.....He will survive.....

Jonathan may not be an All-Star at Rose Capital East Little League, but in his daddy's and mommy's eyes......He is much more than ALL-STARS!!!! He's a Top seed, first pick, diamond in the rough, ace in the hole son no one will ever take away......Cuz we didn't pick him.....God pick him and gifted us with him!!!!