MOTHER OF BOYZ: Bra Shopping.....
My husband took me to a wonderf...: Bra Shopping..... My husband took me to a wonderful lunch the other day and as we were leaving the restaurant he said to me, "honey, you n...
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
I have never completely understood this day. I mean shouldn't I get roses and chocolates every day? A day to remind those that are not in a relationship that they are NOT in a relationship. Now, in our house, that is a good thing. However, my oldest is in his first relationship ever. And oddly enough, I really like his choice.
So, he came to me days before Valentine's Day and asked if I could help him make his sweet girlfriend a bracelet. So, I go to Hobby Lobby and get all the "stuff" to make this bracelet.
The day before Valentine's Day, I find (while cleaning) movies of the boys when they were little boys. Oh my goodness, I started watching just a few of them and then I cried, laughed, and wished more than anything I could go back to the time when my boys played at home all day. Oh, the fun we used to have all day long. No homework, peer pressure, girls, songs, sports, pressure....none of that....the only pressure was what fun thing we were going to do for that day. As I sat there on the couch with tears streaming down my face I wished to spend time again with my boys....this time without cell phones.....
That evening, my son came to me and asked if I would help with the bracelet....there was my wish. We were going to spend time together. Even if it was for someone else, it was so worth it. As we were sitting there making her gift, I was overwhelmed with the passion my son has. Oh thank goodness he got that from his dad....After we finished the bracelet, he went upstairs for a long time....Later that evening, after everyone had gone to bed I was turning off lights and shutting down the house for the night and I saw the gifts he had for her. He had made her the sweetest card. Oh please Lord, don't let her crush that sweet heart of his. Okay, if you are a therapist I know what you are saying right now, "oh my, get this girl in my office right now".....trust me, you wouldn't be wrong there.....I just know how very innocent and tender he is and want to keep him that way as long as I can.
The morning of Valentine's Day....He gets himself up early, showers, even shaves....wow, I didn't even have to tell him to do that....there are some good things about having a girlfriend.....he comes downstairs and looks so very handsome. He dressed up for the day. I decorated their mirrors and gave them their candy. As he stood up holding all his gifts for her I was never more proud of him. So handsome and good man he is becoming.
All too soon I'm not going to have that time to help him make something for his special someone. I cherish these moments more today than ever before.
Happy Valentine's Day my sweet son. May you continue to learn from the greatest example you have ever had....Your Dad.......
One Blessed Mama
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I shall call you "Red Ink"
December 10, 1995 the day I looked forward to all my life. The day I was supposed to meet my Jonthan VanWalter Cox for the first time in the nine months I carried him. In order to understand this journey completely, I have to go back a few months. I am married to the most amazing man in the world. He is a tad bit older than me so the process of having children may have been a challenge. So, after severl attempts (he didn't mind this process) and nothing happening, we had him checked out. He cleared. IT WAS ME? I was the problem??? I have three sisters that have had NO problem having children. So, why me? I'll get to the "why me?" in a bit.
I saw several Doctors, some of whom need to hang up their coats and play golf all day. No compassion what so ever!!!! Test upon test, only to have each month no more closer to having a child than when I first started. Then a friend told me about a wonderful Doctor in Dallas, Dr. Bertruand. Seems to be the best. So, we made our appointment, drove to Dallas and walked into his office. The first thing that hit me was a picture on the wall........12 children leaning on a porsche. Now, I thought how cute that was. Must be all his nieces and nephews....OH NO!!! Those were ALL his....I knew at that very moment, we are in the right place. This man knows what to do.....
I had to have surgery to clean out all the endometricious and be on hormone replacement shots for 4 months. That was when I KNEW my husband loved me. Let's just say, I wasn't the easiest person to live with. In fact, he hid my gun. Now come on, I would never be tempted to use that.....okay, he was smart in hiding that......
I finally got pregnant.....HALLILUHAH!!!!! What's a girl to do, celebrate....I tried to be somewhat healthy in eating...so, banana spilt seem most logical....fruit, calcium, nuts....ALL there......So, I made a habit of eating those....so much so, I got written up in red after steping on the scales at my Doctor's office. Seriously?? After three months of this red ink punishment, I started feeling like a faliure. Not sure what made me feel that way, oh maybe the way in which the nurse handled it. She would make a big deal about having to open a drawer and pull out a RED pin to mark that I have once again failed. Oh brought memories of grade school all over again....I started sweating going to the Doctor. So I would strip when it came time to weigh in.....I told her my hairspray weighed at least 4 lbs...NOT amused....So, here comes my, "OH MY GOSH, 40 LBS OVERWEIGHT DOCTOR" waddeling in to tell me I'm overweight???? OKAY...I started writing my checks in red ink....
My due date, December 10, 1995...The day came and the day went....
I saw several Doctors, some of whom need to hang up their coats and play golf all day. No compassion what so ever!!!! Test upon test, only to have each month no more closer to having a child than when I first started. Then a friend told me about a wonderful Doctor in Dallas, Dr. Bertruand. Seems to be the best. So, we made our appointment, drove to Dallas and walked into his office. The first thing that hit me was a picture on the wall........12 children leaning on a porsche. Now, I thought how cute that was. Must be all his nieces and nephews....OH NO!!! Those were ALL his....I knew at that very moment, we are in the right place. This man knows what to do.....
I had to have surgery to clean out all the endometricious and be on hormone replacement shots for 4 months. That was when I KNEW my husband loved me. Let's just say, I wasn't the easiest person to live with. In fact, he hid my gun. Now come on, I would never be tempted to use that.....okay, he was smart in hiding that......
I finally got pregnant.....HALLILUHAH!!!!! What's a girl to do, celebrate....I tried to be somewhat healthy in eating...so, banana spilt seem most logical....fruit, calcium, nuts....ALL there......So, I made a habit of eating those....so much so, I got written up in red after steping on the scales at my Doctor's office. Seriously?? After three months of this red ink punishment, I started feeling like a faliure. Not sure what made me feel that way, oh maybe the way in which the nurse handled it. She would make a big deal about having to open a drawer and pull out a RED pin to mark that I have once again failed. Oh brought memories of grade school all over again....I started sweating going to the Doctor. So I would strip when it came time to weigh in.....I told her my hairspray weighed at least 4 lbs...NOT amused....So, here comes my, "OH MY GOSH, 40 LBS OVERWEIGHT DOCTOR" waddeling in to tell me I'm overweight???? OKAY...I started writing my checks in red ink....
My due date, December 10, 1995...The day came and the day went....
Thursday, August 16, 2012
My Heart is Broken
My emotions are raw. I can no longer shed a tear....there are none left. As most people know, it doesn't take me long to get there. This is the time of the year I hate the most...It ranks up there with Dentist, mammograms, gynecologist, and work........
My oldest son, Jonathan, has been struggling with his school for about two years and last year he made the decision to leave. He visited another school (at the peak of his unhappiness with his current school at the time when most anything looked better to him) and LOVED it. Loved the people, loved the fact that he could play basketball (which is all he really wants to do), loved the "fresh" start.
Summer came and we no longer remembered all problems the old school brought him. In fact, he started hanging out with some friends from there. The whole time I'm thinking, "Oh goodness, this is going to be hard for him to not go back." But again, his decision.
First day of school. I am pretty sure there were some pretty high expectations placed on this new school. After all, perception is ALWAYS better than reality. If that weren't so, Hollywood wouldn't be full of millionaires. We buy into the notion that the grass is truly greener on the other side. All I hoped was for him to find "his place". I'm not going to lie, when he didn't put on his uniform for school (like he had been wearing since the 6th grade), I got a small ache in my heart. It seemed weird. We dropped him off, and waited with great anticipation all day to hear how wonderful it was.
Got a text from him it said, "can't find my backpack." This is nothing new with us. We truly expect to loose things throughout the year. He comes out to the car. As his mother, I can read immediately my kids by their demeanor. And I knew immediately it was NOT the day we had all hoped for. He told me everything that was wrong about it, that he had made a big mistake leaving his old school. So, calmly, I had to remind him of all the reasons he left. How he felt when he had made that decision, and that his best friend is "time".....He thought he was going to go there and everyone was going to embrace him and he would find friendship immediately. Now, in reality, I think he will. It will take some time. I took him shopping, hoping to lift his spirits. That didn't help, so the next best thing.....Let him sleep. He didn't sleep at all the night before, so I knew he was tired. He came home, got in bed, and slept for several hours......
TODAY!!! Ryan's first day.....He is returning to the school Jonathan had been going to. He got dressed in his chapel clothes. Now, he didn't have to be at school until 9....Jonathan was already gone.....It came time for pictures....There Ryan was...all alone.....For 13 years they have ALWAYS been together for First Day school pictures....They went to Mother's Day Out together, they went to Elementary School together, they went to Middle school together.....But High school....they are not together......If it hadn't been for us being so late...(there's a shocker) it would have really gotten to me....but I set that emotion aside and went on.....Drove Ryan to school and had to go into the school to return something....I walked in and saw some of Jonathan's classmates and he wasn't with them..... I managed to stay calm and collected until I reached my car, shut the door, and LOST it!!! I cried all the way home.......A good cleansing of the eyes kind of cry......
There standing at the end of the driveway was my wonderful Knight in shining armor husband holding roses and cards in his hands......Now, I always LOVE seeing my husband....but today.....He was a much needed hug!!! The reason for the flowers.....It's just our 20th Anniversary!!!! Why did we pick this date......Did no one with children try to tell us it's not a good time to get married.....Would we have listened anyway.....??????????????
My oldest son, Jonathan, has been struggling with his school for about two years and last year he made the decision to leave. He visited another school (at the peak of his unhappiness with his current school at the time when most anything looked better to him) and LOVED it. Loved the people, loved the fact that he could play basketball (which is all he really wants to do), loved the "fresh" start.
Summer came and we no longer remembered all problems the old school brought him. In fact, he started hanging out with some friends from there. The whole time I'm thinking, "Oh goodness, this is going to be hard for him to not go back." But again, his decision.
First day of school. I am pretty sure there were some pretty high expectations placed on this new school. After all, perception is ALWAYS better than reality. If that weren't so, Hollywood wouldn't be full of millionaires. We buy into the notion that the grass is truly greener on the other side. All I hoped was for him to find "his place". I'm not going to lie, when he didn't put on his uniform for school (like he had been wearing since the 6th grade), I got a small ache in my heart. It seemed weird. We dropped him off, and waited with great anticipation all day to hear how wonderful it was.
Got a text from him it said, "can't find my backpack." This is nothing new with us. We truly expect to loose things throughout the year. He comes out to the car. As his mother, I can read immediately my kids by their demeanor. And I knew immediately it was NOT the day we had all hoped for. He told me everything that was wrong about it, that he had made a big mistake leaving his old school. So, calmly, I had to remind him of all the reasons he left. How he felt when he had made that decision, and that his best friend is "time".....He thought he was going to go there and everyone was going to embrace him and he would find friendship immediately. Now, in reality, I think he will. It will take some time. I took him shopping, hoping to lift his spirits. That didn't help, so the next best thing.....Let him sleep. He didn't sleep at all the night before, so I knew he was tired. He came home, got in bed, and slept for several hours......
There standing at the end of the driveway was my wonderful Knight in shining armor husband holding roses and cards in his hands......Now, I always LOVE seeing my husband....but today.....He was a much needed hug!!! The reason for the flowers.....It's just our 20th Anniversary!!!! Why did we pick this date......Did no one with children try to tell us it's not a good time to get married.....Would we have listened anyway.....??????????????
Just another day in the life of a Mother of Boyz...............
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Sit Down and Shut Up!
Yesterday was a very frustrating day....We, of course, waited until the last minute to do our summer reading....AGAIN!! So, I got a burst of energy yesterday morning and decided to do EVERYTHING that needed to get done....So, I loaded the boys in the car...The oldest drove...YIKES! And off to the library we went....
To fully understand the "library" for the Cox's, I need to set up the scene....My youngest, has ALWAYS been a bit....looking for the right word.....curious....yeah, that's a good word for him....When he was around 5, I used to take my boys to the library every week to check out several books for them to read during naps and right before bed....They actually loved going to the library....So, on Library Day, I had to set the rules....."You must not talk in the library, people are reading and studying, and you can't run around, you must stay with me." With the rules fresh on their minds we would set out for our adventure for the day. So, as usual my oldest would stay right there with me, NOT talking, looking for fun books.....And there is my youngest....running around the library with several books...I mean SEVERAL books....talking loud enough to wake the dead.....I know at this point you can just see the scene playing out in your head.....Here comes the librarian...(not sure where they get them)....Tall woman that has NEVER had kids, let alone a "curious" boy....and she wants to explain to him why we don't run around the library all the time looking at me like I'm so dead beat mom that would allow her son to run around pulling books randomly from the shelf...Well, come to think of it, I guess I would be that.....So, at the innocent young age of 5, my boy gets grounded FROM THE LIBRARY........What mother can say that?? He was so very sad, he couldn't get books.....
Now, 10 years later, we walk into the library, my oldest is staying with me, looking for his book......where is my youngest? Running around the library, acting 5 all over again!!! So, this time...it's not the librarian that gets him.....IT'S ME!!!!!!!! I talked (not using my library voice) to him like he was 5 and made him sit in a chair and DON'T move!!! Then gave him a sports magazine to entertain him.....Yes, I even used the curse word...sit down and SHUT up!!!!!
My frustration level has long peaked by now...I don't even care if we do our summer reading at this point.....The librarian can't find the book we need.....She doesn't understand I have a 5 year old trapped in a 15 year old body that is about to explode....GET THE BOOK NOW!!!!
So, today, we are ordering the book on Amazon....That way we can shop online in the comfort of my own home while my youngest runs around and yells......
Happy Summer Reading......
To fully understand the "library" for the Cox's, I need to set up the scene....My youngest, has ALWAYS been a bit....looking for the right word.....curious....yeah, that's a good word for him....When he was around 5, I used to take my boys to the library every week to check out several books for them to read during naps and right before bed....They actually loved going to the library....So, on Library Day, I had to set the rules....."You must not talk in the library, people are reading and studying, and you can't run around, you must stay with me." With the rules fresh on their minds we would set out for our adventure for the day. So, as usual my oldest would stay right there with me, NOT talking, looking for fun books.....And there is my youngest....running around the library with several books...I mean SEVERAL books....talking loud enough to wake the dead.....I know at this point you can just see the scene playing out in your head.....Here comes the librarian...(not sure where they get them)....Tall woman that has NEVER had kids, let alone a "curious" boy....and she wants to explain to him why we don't run around the library all the time looking at me like I'm so dead beat mom that would allow her son to run around pulling books randomly from the shelf...Well, come to think of it, I guess I would be that.....So, at the innocent young age of 5, my boy gets grounded FROM THE LIBRARY........What mother can say that?? He was so very sad, he couldn't get books.....
Now, 10 years later, we walk into the library, my oldest is staying with me, looking for his book......where is my youngest? Running around the library, acting 5 all over again!!! So, this time...it's not the librarian that gets him.....IT'S ME!!!!!!!! I talked (not using my library voice) to him like he was 5 and made him sit in a chair and DON'T move!!! Then gave him a sports magazine to entertain him.....Yes, I even used the curse word...sit down and SHUT up!!!!!
My frustration level has long peaked by now...I don't even care if we do our summer reading at this point.....The librarian can't find the book we need.....She doesn't understand I have a 5 year old trapped in a 15 year old body that is about to explode....GET THE BOOK NOW!!!!
So, today, we are ordering the book on Amazon....That way we can shop online in the comfort of my own home while my youngest runs around and yells......
Happy Summer Reading......
 |
| PERCEPTION.... |
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| REALITY..... |
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
What I read at Dad & Katie's Anniversary Celebration:
Ecclesiastes 3: To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the Heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to cry and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Pretty good from someone that Home Churches.....
May 29, 1982...Michelle lost her Dad..Katie lost her husband..It was their time to mourn.
June 27, 1985...My sisters and I lost our mother..My Dad lost his wife..It was our time to mourn.
As my family watched our Father struggle through his new life without my Mom, we prayed daily that God would bring someone in his life that could cook for us....I mean, him...and take care of him...
Around May 1986, my sisters and I played on our church softball team. Our coach and dear friend, Sue Wright saw we needed a good home cooked meal and decided she needed to take action...so, she introduced Katie to my father.
April 25, 1987..our time to dance came...My father married Katie. Although Katie didn't bargain for having the Brady Bunch move in, she handled it with grace and dignity.
The year 1987...gas prices were .89c a gallon, Fox network made its prime time debut, Prozac made it debut in the U.S., Howard had hair, and our precious Kyle Stephen and Sarah Faye were born with MANY more to come. And I had red, blond, black, and purple hair...not all at once...yeah, maybe all at once...
Ecclesiastes 3 goes on to say...A time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep a time to laugh. In these past 25 years, our family have walked through just about all of the verse...We have experienced weddings, deaths, sickness, health issues, sadness, joy, childbirth, graduations, ballgames, laughter, and tolerance. We learned how to join these two families into one. Great times were had on the back porch eating and just laughing. Now, to address the "time to kill" portion of Ecclesiastes....just play a board game with Katie...she goes in quick and silent and you never know what hit you..
Thank you Dad for being the best Dad a girl could ever ask for. I would have said this even if I weren't your favorite...
Katie, thank you for loving my dad and taking care of him for the past 25 years. I know it wasn't easy going from 1 child to 5. Thank you for all the great advice and just listening to me when I talk. Thank you mostly for being a GRANDMother to my boys and investing in their lives.
And last but not least, I want to thank you both for your faithful walk. You are truly an example of Proverbs 3:5....Even though your plan was not the same as God's, you kept your trust in HIM...and that is why we are all gathered here to celebrate you two...
THIS IS YOUR TIME TO DANCE AND LAUGH...
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU BOTH AND I LOVE YOU......
Ecclesiastes 3: To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the Heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to cry and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Pretty good from someone that Home Churches.....
May 29, 1982...Michelle lost her Dad..Katie lost her husband..It was their time to mourn.
June 27, 1985...My sisters and I lost our mother..My Dad lost his wife..It was our time to mourn.
As my family watched our Father struggle through his new life without my Mom, we prayed daily that God would bring someone in his life that could cook for us....I mean, him...and take care of him...
Around May 1986, my sisters and I played on our church softball team. Our coach and dear friend, Sue Wright saw we needed a good home cooked meal and decided she needed to take action...so, she introduced Katie to my father.
April 25, 1987..our time to dance came...My father married Katie. Although Katie didn't bargain for having the Brady Bunch move in, she handled it with grace and dignity.
The year 1987...gas prices were .89c a gallon, Fox network made its prime time debut, Prozac made it debut in the U.S., Howard had hair, and our precious Kyle Stephen and Sarah Faye were born with MANY more to come. And I had red, blond, black, and purple hair...not all at once...yeah, maybe all at once...
Ecclesiastes 3 goes on to say...A time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep a time to laugh. In these past 25 years, our family have walked through just about all of the verse...We have experienced weddings, deaths, sickness, health issues, sadness, joy, childbirth, graduations, ballgames, laughter, and tolerance. We learned how to join these two families into one. Great times were had on the back porch eating and just laughing. Now, to address the "time to kill" portion of Ecclesiastes....just play a board game with Katie...she goes in quick and silent and you never know what hit you..
Thank you Dad for being the best Dad a girl could ever ask for. I would have said this even if I weren't your favorite...
Katie, thank you for loving my dad and taking care of him for the past 25 years. I know it wasn't easy going from 1 child to 5. Thank you for all the great advice and just listening to me when I talk. Thank you mostly for being a GRANDMother to my boys and investing in their lives.
And last but not least, I want to thank you both for your faithful walk. You are truly an example of Proverbs 3:5....Even though your plan was not the same as God's, you kept your trust in HIM...and that is why we are all gathered here to celebrate you two...
THIS IS YOUR TIME TO DANCE AND LAUGH...
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU BOTH AND I LOVE YOU......
Chapter Closing
I am the world's worst at planning something far in advanced and then wanting to back out when the time comes to actually do it...Case in point is traveling....I HATE to leave home....I LOVE seeing my sister and her family, but it's the boarding the dogs, driving in the car, flying in a plane, working through the unknown. I guess I'm just a "homebody"....
For two years now, I've watched my son go from this happy go lucky person to a very unhappy person. Due mostly to his environment. Slowly things have been chipping away at his comedial demeanor....I have said to him daily, "this does NOT define you..." Only, I was wrong. I believe if you stay in an unhealthy situation for too long, it becomes you...thus defining you.
He requested to remove himself from the school he has known since 6th grade. The only other school he attended was elementary and that was the same one from K-5th. Our family doesn't handle change very well. For him to want to make this change, something must really be wrong. So, we allowed him to "shadow" another school. He loved it. He feels as though this school is a better "fit" for him. So, now we are in the process of closing this chapter and turning the page. Oh if it were just that simple. It comes with a lot of sadness. I really grew to love a lot of the parents and students there. But, on the flip side of that, I've grown to really harbor some hatred towards those that repeatedly "beat" (figuratively) down my son. So, much to the point I too was unhappy. One thing I am sure of, is when you are in an unhealthy situation, you MUST remove yourself from it or it will eat at you until there is nothing left.
My two boys will not be together at school. That could be both a good thing and a bad. As of late, it is a bad thing. If ever I needed God to come to me, sit with me, and tell me I AM doing the right thing, it is now. My heart is heavy, my eyes are full, and my attitude is bad. I am in desperate need of a change. The "what ifs" are surfacing everywhere....what if he gets over there and it's worse....Unfortunately, I am the queen of "what ifs".......
So, the school year is closing. All that is left is finals...Then we walk out the door of a beautiful campus, leaving behind some wonderful teachers and staff, great friends, awesome opportunities, and some good memories. Letting go of the hurt and resentment of those that hurt my son, and letting God heal me and my son. Finally allowing God to "define" who my son is, not the situation......
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