I ran into God today on my walk

I was on a walk today and I ran into God.  My first instinct, as always, is to make eye contact, smile, and say hello, that is the southern way of greeting.  But as I looked into HIS face, I was taken aback as to whom I was greeting.

   GOD:  "Hello, Vanessa.  How are you doing today?"

Now there is a loaded question, I thought to myself.....

    ME:  "YOU don't have the time to hear what all is wrong with me right now"

Ironic, the maker of time is probably the ONLY one that has the time to hear what I got to say.  Well, and a therapist that will LOVE to hear what I got to say at the rate of a gazillion dollars an hour.....

My first, and again southerly response is to regurgitate my automatic answer of "FINE".......NO!!! Wait, I'm not fine God!! I'm not fine at all.....My heart hurts so bad right now, I think it is literally about to explode in a million pieces!!  Explain to me ONE thing!!!!! How!!! How can YOU...The healer of ALL sickness, creator of ALL things, ruler of ALL the land...How can You sit there and allow such suffering on my son!!!  Do you even know my son?  Oh wait, yes you do.  YOU not only created him, YOU came into his heart at an early age and put a burning desire to not just follow YOU on Sunday and Wednesday night, but to thirst for YOU, to want to know EVERYTHING about YOU!!! Not only that, but to make sure those around him have that same knowledge and desire....

So, I ask YOU!! Do YOU not see his suffering day in and day out??  Do YOU not see him ridiculed and mocked because he doesn't "fit" the norm of his world??  He tries so hard!! He never gives up!! He stays so positive all the time!! Why then, do YOU feel he needs to NEVER catch a break?  I'm so angry, GOD.....And you just sit there and let it happen.  There are so many other kids that don't follow you that seem to have it all.....Everyone loves them, they make good grades without studying much, they are star athletes.....It's not fair......

There YOU have it....YOU asked!!! I delivered!!!!  At this very moment I should feel the sudden thrill of victory....I just let GOD have it!!! I am telling HIM to back off my child!!!

 I walked away...Searching for that adrenalin rush...But, instead, all I could feel was the agony of defeat......You see, GOD has been there the whole time.  This did not catch HIM off guard.  I didn't see the "OH MY GOSH" look on HIS face as I was spewing....  And how in the world can I sit there and boldly ask HIM about suffering of a son.   HE was the first parent to not only watch the horror of the mocking and ridiculing of HIS son, but the final death of HIM also.  A SON that not just followed HIM but made sure everyone around HIM got to know HIM.

I stopped in my tracks....I had to go to HIM...Tell HIM I'm sorry.....But I felt it too late....You see, GOD has other people to see, not just me.....I turned around and there HE was.  Waiting with opened arms.....NOTHING I said made HIM mad enough to walk away.  I ran to HIM and felt HIS loving arms fold all around my tired, aching, broken body...I sobbed like a baby to HIS FATHER.  I could hear HIS voice whisper to me, "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; HE will never leave you nor forsake you.

Thank you Jesus, first and foremost for Jonathan VanWalter Cox.  You made him in YOUR image.  He will do great things.  His race is a race with hurdles.  PLEASE do NOT waste a moment of pain.  Show him his path is not for just anyone.  YOU specifically chose him to do greatness.....Allow him to see the road to greatness and follow it WHEREVER it leads, regardless of the hurt

.....

Thank you for giving me such an incredible son.  I am so very proud of him!!! I am so proud to call him SON!!!!!!

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.